I'd Name My Boat Bouyant George

So I learned an interesting little ripple to this Marina renovation plan during my most recent interviews at the harbor. It’s not quite relevant for my paper, but could end up being really fun.

I was having a conversation with Mark Mayor, the St. Francis Yacht Club harbormaster, and Rusty Morgan, the club’s head sailing coach. One of their biggest complaints about the Marina harbor was something that has not shown up in any report or been mentioned by any of the project principles, as far as I can tell.

Apparently the harbor is filled with derelict boats. Slips are expensive and difficult to come by in the harbor. In order to hold onto his or her slip, a boat-owner must keep the slip occupied with a boat. An unoccupied slip will be taken away by the harbor and given to someone else on the lengthy waiting list. It’s a pretty straightforward, use it or lose it policy

The problem occurs when The Skipper wants to take Gilligan and some pals on a three-hour tour and his boat will be out of harbor for an extended period of time. Sailors are vagabonds. Rich, opulent vagabonds, but vagabonds nonetheless. Most mariner’s dream of escaping the chains of the working world and island hopping across the seven seas.

This is all well and good, until they learn that in their absence, their parking spot in the harbor will be given away to some other salty dog. The solution for this problem is to purchase the cheapest dinghy you can find and stick it in your slip until you get back. The boat doesn’t need to be seafaring. Hell, all it has to do is float. It can be a kayak, a gondola, or inflatable lounge chair as long as it holds the real boat’s spot whilst on seafaring adventure (I’m exaggerating of course, but you get my point).

Morgan estimates that half of the boats in Marina harbor are these place-holding derelicts. He lamented the sad state of disuse the situation creates, but smirked when considering the possibilities posed by the renovation.

In order to allow for the rebuilding of the docks, every boat will have to be towed out of its slip and relocated for a period of time. Mayor and Morgan both giggled at the potential spectacle this practice could provide. Imagine: wealthy yachtsmen –pipe’s clenched through gritted teeth, captain’s hat all askew, angrily snapping at Buffy (there's always a Buffy)- pacing the docks as they watch their placeholder boats get dragged through the harbor. Each cursing his frugality as they plead with their dilapidated dinghy’s to survive what could be its death march. The tears shed as the broken boats failed to stay afloat, dragging its owner’s place in the harbor, membership to an exclusive yacht club and role in the social scene, with it to the bowels of Davy Jones’ locker. A lifetime of status cultivation torpedoed by a cheap pontoon.

Likely this scene won’t be as amazing as all that, but there is some drama coming. Some of these boats will sink when towed for the relocation. I don’t know what the policy is going to be regarding the empty spaces created by this situation, but the image of a sweaty sailor -pocket-square flapping from his chest, snifter of Courvoisier spilled onto his Bruno Maglis- makes me oh so very happy.